The end of a journey

My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world." - Jack Layton, July 18th, 1950 - August 22nd, 2011

While my journey continues on, Jack Layton's has ended, he may have gone on to another adventure, I guess it depends on what you believe.  If you don't live in Canada you might not know who Jack Layton was.  He was the leader of our Parliamentary Opposition party, the NDP.  While I did  not necessarily agree with his views, I did admire him for his passion.  He had deep beliefs and fought for them and what he felt was right for Canadians.  The above quote came from  his goodbye letter to all Canadians that he wrote 2 days before his death.  Of course his story is all over the news and to discover that when he knew his time was coming soon he took the time to make sure that the NDP would know where to go from here and on top of it all take a few minutes to write to all Canadians a 'fond farewell' of sorts......

I love his quote.  It truly is thoughtful and true.  If we could all remember to be 'loving, hopeful and optimistic' even during our darkest hour it would brighten the world even if only a little.   

Goodbye Jack and Thank you for all you have done for this country.  We need a great and strong opposition to keep us on the right path and you are the one who gave it to us.  I hope that your legacy will carry on in your predecessor.  Our thoughts and prayers are with your family as they grieve the loss of someone so loved.  

My journey has been interesting of late to say the least.  July was an extremely hectic time at work, full of overtime and stress.  The line I work on is not running as well as it should and so of course makes our jobs so much more difficult, not only to keep the line running and put cases out the door, but also to complete our other tasks AND to make improvements that will help the line run better.  Right now our time is spent 'firefighting' and trying to get through the day.  The last week leading up to my vacation, I was feeling very burned out and had a very very difficult time trying to keep from crashing.

Thankfully I made it to my vacation and had a fantastic time!  While plans changed, changed and changed again at seemingly the last minute, everything worked out alright.  We spent the first week at home 'chillaxin' as I like to call it.  I got some much needed sleep, some housework caught up and started packing for our trip.  We spent 2 days and a night in Quebec at a Zoo/Waterpark.  It was fantastic.  The first day was crazy busy and hot but we still managed to have some fun.  The second day was amazing.  The park was much quieter, it was slightly overcast at times, and we were able to go through the whole park and see all the animals much better than the day before.  We also spent a few hours at the water park just enjoying the sun and the water.  I'm not much of a water person, but I did truly enjoy it  :)  I drove the kids crazy wanting to take their picture on every animal statue their was.  We had a lot of laughs and it was nice being just us.  We came home for a day and then it was off to my In Laws for a couple of days.  We had a wedding to go to (the one I posted about earlier) Then it was time for me to leave my hubby and kids with my in-laws and come back home to an empty house to work 4 LONG night shifts.  I honestly didn't think I would make it through, but I did.  The 3rd night was really tough, but the 4th was alright.  I think a lot of that had to do with it being the last and once it was over I was going back to the in-laws to be with my family again.  I got there Friday morning, had a nap and then went over to the park where the kids were attending daycamp and were having their closing Talent Show celebration.   We were a bit late and had missed my nephew singing, but thankfully they had him sing again at the end (He sang O Canada, so they opened with him and decided to close with him too!)  My daughter sang a song with a new friend and my son did 'Kinetic Art' with another boy.  They setup a circle of blocks standing on their end and then knocked them over.  I was so happy to see them and know they had a good time that week.  The Saturday was a birthday party for my Dad and Brother (Dad turns 60 Sept 6th and my brother 31 on Sept 5)  Their neighbour had us over for a nice little lunch and visit to celebrate early.  It was a nice day.  Yesterday and today were relaxing and getting the yard work done as I go back to work tomorrow for a couple of days.  2 weeks from today is back to school already!  Back to school shopping next week.

I have no idea where my weight/measurements are at.  I am almost positive that I have gained some but I don't think it is too horrible.  I will have to check in on that soon I guess. Right now I am content with still fitting into my jeans lol!

Well that is it for today, I have dinner to get ready and some relaxing to do before bed.  Summer is too short, but on the plus side we have a beautiful Fall season coming and even after that the winter is beautiful too.  I love the Christmas season, but have a hard time getting through Jan and February.  Oh well 2 months out of 12 isn't bad ;)

Till next time...

Love

Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous;

love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly;

it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered,

does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth;

bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never fails...But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7,13

Saturday I witnessed a wedding that truly touched my heart and made it full. 
I am so happy for both of them and wish them a lifetime of love, laughs and happiness.

Not according to plan

You are never a loser until you quit trying. ~ Mike Ditka

I am almost finished my first week of vacation.  I must say that nothing has gone according to plan so far, but in the same breath it has been nice to not have to go to work :)

We were supposed to go camping this weekend with good friends of ours, but they baled on us a few days before.  Then we were going to go to my in-laws for the weekend and take a day to go to my family reunion for the day.  That fell through yesterday.  My in-laws have some guests for the weekend so there is no room for us to stay.  We could still go to my family reunion but it is an awful lot of driving to go for a day.  The other thing is that we have to go to my inlaws on Monday to drop off our dog.  We are planning a trip to a Zoo/Waterpark in Quebec for a few days and my brother-in law agreed to watch our dear Daisy while we are gone.  So to make a trip today and then again in a couple days is too much.  With Gas prices as high as they are and our budget as tight as it is.....it just doesn't make sense to make 2 trips.

I am hoping that our Quebec trip goes well  :)

Yesterday we went downtown to check out a annual festival.  It was so hot, but the music was good, food great, but not a whole lot for the kids.  Sadly at the end of the time my son took a HUGE temper tantrum!  Which is so very much unlike him.  He continued on so much that he ended up getting himself grounded for 2 days.  He hasn't done that since he was little, he was screaming and stomping his feet and crying.  It all started because he played a game and lost, so he started to cry.  We told him that if he was going to cry over losing a game that we would be going home, no smoothie.  Well that is when he lost it.  We did go straight home and he spent the rest of the day with no XBox and will spend today without one too.  If he behaves today then he just might get it back tomorrow.

Next weekend we have a wedding to go to.  It should be a great time.  Then it will be back to work for 4 night shifts for me.  I am not looking forward to going back at all, not just because of the 4 night shifts, but because work has been so stressful.  Our line is not running well and everyone is worn out from the added stress, the extra now mandatory overtime and just pure frustration. 

Oh well I will take it as it comes and do the best I can.

For now I will enjoy today and the rest of my vacation regardless whether it goes according to plan or not. 

I hope you are enjoying your summer as well!

Busy Weekend

Do not pity the dead, Harry, pity the living. Above all pity those who live without love. By returning you may ensure that fewer souls are maimed and fewer families are torn apart. If that seems to you a worthy goal, then we say goodbye for the present. ~ Albus Dumbledore

Busy week, busy weekend.  This weekend flew by, it was a much needed time to get away from work.  Not a lot of relaxing done, but still an enjoyable time.  Friday we went over to a friend's place for a BBQ and bonfire.  We stayed out much later than we had planned.  Home around midnite and then had to get up for my son's soccer game early saturday morning.   Saturday my husband treated me to a matinee of the last installment of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.  The movie was fantastic.  A lot had to be left out of the movie, but most things were touched on at least.  We then went to a stag and doe for his cousin.  It was a nice visit with some family.  We aren't much for drinking or partying but it was still nice.  Sunday we enjoyed a visit with my in-laws for a few hours then made our way over to see my parents.  Then we made our way home.

Today I will be sleeping away most of the day to prepare for work tonight.  I only have 2 more weeks of work then I will be off for 2 weeks, work a week then off another weekend and 3 days, work the Thursday and off another weekend.   I love vacation time :)

Well this is going to be a short post, I have to go to bed soon so i can stay awake tonight.

Here is hoping the week goes by quickly!!  :)

Almost there

'Today I will be driven by my goals, not my ego' Dr Lew Losoncy

End of school is near.  I can't get over how quickly the year has flown by.  It won't be long until the insanely hot days of summer are here and gone.

The kids are both playing baseball and soccer this year.  Tonight is my daughter's first soccer game.  She had a rough go at her first baseball game, she was pretty nervous.  Last night she played again (I missed it because of work) but from the report I got from her and her Dad she did fantastic!  She hit the ball every time at bat, and even once over everyone's head into the outfield!! Woo Hoo!  She also pitched and did a great job with that too.  I expect her teammates and coach were pleasantly surprised.  My son is enjoying baseball and soccer too.  He stands heads taller than all his teammates.  His league is called mosquito and each kid gets a chance to bat every inning and to run the bases.  It is more about learning than competition.

Tonight I will be meeting my niece and nephew for the first time.  My brother-law and his wife arrived earlier this week and are staying until Tuesday.  We will be visiting for the weekend.

(I forgot to finish this post....oops)

So we had a wonderful visit with my brother in law and family.  My niece and nephew are absolutely adorable and I love them to bits.  Ya no surprise there.  I also had a great time visiting with their parents  :D  The last night that I was there we girls (the sisters in law) and one of the cousin in law went on a haunted walk in the nearby city.  It was a lot of fun, just us girls.  I wish we didn't live so far away.....well that they live so far away.  BC is so far from Ontario.   It was great to finally meet my niece and nephew.

There was some sad new brought also.  My husband's grandmother has severe osteoporosis she is in a lot of pain and if she coughs too hard could break something.  I wish we could afford for my hubby and the kids to fly out to see her.  She is 89 years old and my hubby and his 1 brother are her only relatives left.  SShe hasn't met our kids and it would be so wonderful for her to meet them.

Who knows what the future will hold.


Cheers

Life is Good

In our life we can stare at the past, but only the future is ours to change!

It has been a couple months since my Dad's surgery.  I must say that things have gone quite well.  He is healing very nicely and is getting around with only a cane now.  The best thing of the entire situation is that my Mom has stepped up and is gaining self confidence and independence!!  I am so very proud of her.  She is not only driving in town now she has driven to the city, around the city and elsewhere!  She is handling things much better than she thought.  Way to go Mom!!  I truly hope that once Dad is able to drive again that she maintains her independence and continues on.

Work has been busy.  I am working a lot of overtime, but the money is much needed.  We have had to replace our toilet, the van needs to be repaired after an accident and of course it is summer now so between my dear hubby driving summer school and soon to be unemployed for a month with only unemployment it makes it much harder to do something special with the kids for summer vacation.  This year though with all the overtime I have worked it sure has helped.  We are in much better shape this summer vs last.  We are planning to take a trip to the Granby Zoo in Quebec.  None of us have been there before so it should be a nice treat for all of us.  Maybe next year we can go to yet another province  :)

I am very proud of both of my kids.   They both finished the year with amazing report cards.  My daughter has straight As and was disappointed that one was an A-!!!  She has worked so hard this year and brought the few Bs she had to As.  Who could ask for more??

My son.....has come so far!!  Last report his reading was a C- and he brought that up to a B!!!  He worked extremely hard and did it.  All of his grades were Bs!  He has done a lot of growing and thankfully the school was very supportive and worked hard with us to help get him there.

Me.....well I am now at the 200lb mark and holding.  I put my gym membership on hold for the summer and I expect I will cancel it in September.  We are looking at getting a family membership at the Y.  I love Curves but it costs 55 just for me and the family membership at the Y is around 100 for the family....can't really see the point in paying for both places.  Plus I need some time to get my body used to the new shifts I am working.  It will be interesting to see how it goes.

Life has been good.  My family is healthy and happy.  Money is decent, not wonderful but when is it ever???  LOL  I am very excited for my summer vacation, and a nice trip with just us and the kids.  Life is good.

Well it is time for me to get ready for work.  Yippie.   3 night shifts this week.

Till next time.........

Mom and Dad

Pain is temporary, Quitting lasts forever - Lance Armstrong

I've had a glimpse of my possible future.  I can't say I love it, I can't say I hate it either.  It is more of a sense of loss and frustration.

Ok let me back up a bit and explain.  Tuesday my Dad had hip replacement surgery.  That in itself is not a huge deal.  My parents asked me if I could come and stay with them for the week to help out.  My Mom had a severe nervous breakdown years ago and has never truly been treated and refuses to get treated now.  She was given some meds which she takes, but no therapy etc.  So anyhow she can drive but chooses not too and so is now so nervous about driving anywhere but close to home (I'm talking blocks here) she can't.  Dad's surgery was in the next city a half hour away.  So here I come 2hrs away to bring Dad in for his surgery.  Then over the next few days drive Mom back and forth to visit until he was released a day early on Thursday.  Ok so my mom is falling apart with worry.  Dad is fine, more than fine, healing better than expected and is having a lot less pain than expected.  I have made sure all the bills are paid, that she has cash from the bank (doesn't like to use her debit card) dealt with the insurance company since they don't cover 2 of his life saving medications, scheduled his follow-up appointment and arranged for my husband to come to take Dad with our van not only for comfort but also because Mom won't drive.  I have picked up meds, odds and ends groceries.  Helped Dad with his exercises, made sure he has everything he needs and coached mom on what she needs to do once I go home.  Thankfully my dad's brain wasn't affected by the surgery so he can help her with what he needs as far as help in and out of bed etc.  But she is worried about the silliest (silly to me anyhow) things like not being able to get the vacuuming done, not doing something the way Dad would do it etc.  She is worried she will 'mess things up' and feels like she has no choice but to fail, she has quit before even starting.

She is such a strong woman.  If she would only try.  She refuses to let me get her into therapy to help her cope with her OCD and be able to relax.  She doesn't want to learn how to use her interac card, she doesn't want to be better at driving, she doesn't want to know how to do anything other than what she does now.  She is afraid to fail so she won't try.  She is completely dependent on others except for her own personal grooming.  Sadly I had to tell her that she can't depend on Dad always.  Someday he may not be there.  I also told her that if that happened, and I didn't feel she could live on her own or take care of herself enough to live with me then I would have to put her in a home.  I work full time and so does my hubby so we can't baby-sit her.  I think the thought scared her, and as much as I hate to do that to her, it is often the only way to get her motivated. 

She has taken the car out twice since I had that talk with her.  Once to go to Bible study by herself (and my Mom NEVER goes anywhere by herself, Dad is always with her)  she also went to pick up milk, she paid cash but she drove to the store and bought the milk by herself!  I was so proud of her!  It seems strange that I am mothering my own Mom.....but I guess that is how life works.  For now I have tried to reassure her that the world won't end if the dishes don't get done or the vacuuming or anything for that matter.  I told her to focus on Dad and herself.  My brother lives/owns the house where they are living so he can help make sure the house doesn't fall around their ankles.  One thing at a time and one day at a time.  Food & Water, pain management and breathing for both her and Dad, the rest can wait.


My glimpse into the future was of caring for my parents.  My Dad won't be so bad, he is used to being independent.  It is my Mom that saddens me.  I know she has so much more potential and she is wasting the gift of life she has.  I also don't know if I could handle seeing everyday where I would be if I hadn't worked so hard and long to recover and be the person I am. 

So tomorrow I go home.  I'm nervous about leaving, but I am sure they will be fine....but I can't help but worry, I guess that is what children and mother's do.....

A great big slap in the face reminder

Things turn out best for those who make the best of the way things turn out. - John Wooden

I have wanted to blog about this for awhile.....well since it happened actually, but I really needed some time to think it through and get over it myself.

Anyhow, it happened on Tuesday.  I had spent the day Monday with a headache and sore throat so was looking forward to a day of relaxing, going to the gym and getting caught up on things around the house.  Well it was not meant to be.  Tuesday I woke up and thus began my day of getting the kids ready for school.  Except my daughter complains of a sore tongue and carries on as she usually does when she has been up to late and doesn't want to go to school.  So thinking nothing of it I told her to brush her teeth and use mouth wash then get ready for school!  So now I'm irritated.  Can she not just get up and get ready like she knows she has to do EVERY DAY????  Sigh.....obviously not.  Within the next few minutes or so after brushing and rinsing she was crying and having trouble talking.  So I told her she could stay home and I would call the Doctor's office.   The nurse was busy so the receptionist said she would have her call me back.  This took about half hour, during this time it got to the point she couldn't swallow, the drool was just running down her face.  To make things worse her nose was running too.  Just as I was deciding I should take her to the ER, the nurse called back and told me to take her NOW.  So I got her dressed and off we went.

She was triaged & registered immediately, then brought right into a bed.  Right away they got her ready to start an IV.  It took 2 tries in each arm before they could get it, her veins kept rolling.  Finally the IV was in and flushed, then they injected epinephrine.  The doctor came in to see her and ordered more medications.  He proceeded to let me know that it was Anaphylaxis.  He wasn't sure at that point if it was caused by an allergy or a tongue infection.  It would depend on how it reacted to the medication.  If the swelling went down quickly then it would be most likely an allergy.  The curious part to it all, was that it was only the tongue affected, not the throat or mouth.

To make a long story short, my poor girl was terrified and so was I.  We spent the day there while the medication did it's job and they monitored her to ensure she wasn't going to have a bad reaction to it.  They eventually sent us home with a prescription for 2 epi-pens. The next morning was a trip to our Nurse Practitioner to make sure everything was OK and also setup a referral for an allergist.  So for now, we wait, make sure she has her epi-pen with her at all times and pray.

The experience reminded me just how precious she is and how easily I could lose her.  While I know I can't focus on the negative, I will let it remind me that she is precious and growing so quickly but still needs us.  I love her dearly and hope that we will get the allergy tests done soon and the results back quickly.  I would rather know what to avoid then be worried every second that something could cause it to happen again.

Well that was my week.  I missed going to the gym all week, today is Good Friday so they are closed.  But my daughter is OK and thankfully we now have the epi-pen and knowledge of what to look for.

I hope you don't have a scare to remind you just how special someone is to you.

Working, Working oh and Working

Be the Best YOU that you can be, everyone else is taken - Unknown

I worked 8 hours of overtime today and work Friday, Saturday and Sunday all 12 hour shifts.  I honestly, truly debated whether working today was a good idea after my oh so recent depression scare.  I decided that if I don't push my limits I won't be able to find out just what they are.  I also need to know if it was the extra work or just a combo of lack of sleep and dreary weather.  So here's hoping.......since in another month or so I will be working 4 day shifts one week and 3 night shifts the next and then repeating.  I am really looking forward to the new schedule, so I am praying that my body will adapt.

I can hardly believe spring is here!  My daffodils have all bloomed, so my tulips won't be far behind.  I am loving the warmer weather.  This and fall are my favorite times of year.  It is still cool enough out to enjoy the sun without broiling and warm enough that a light coat or sweater is all you need if anything at all.  In another couple of months I will be tempted to sell my soul for central air conditioning!!  LOL  We have never owned a house with central air in the 10 years we have been married and every summer for about 2 months I swear over and over that we will get central air, this is the last year I will suffer like this again etc etc etc, but there always seems to be something else more important than air conditioning  :p  I do promise that my next house will either have central air already installed, OR it will be installed immediately upon closing!!

Work is going well, at least well enough that I don't mind working an extra shift this week :D  Actually for the most part I do love my job.  As with everyone else there are days that I need to remind myself of that, but mostly I do love my job.  The company I work for pays me very well, I have full benefits (mostly company paid) and a pension.  I have complaints, but it is mostly about co-workers.  Surprisingly Management is good to me, I have no complaints about how they have treated me.  I know a lot of people who have a lot of complaints about management (both where I work and other places) and many people who don't get paid as well as I do and work much harder. 

Well I have to get up early tomorrow and go to the gym before work, so I had better get to bed.

Have a great weekend!

Sadness, Strength and Hope

Be where you are, otherwise you will miss your life - Buddha

I am feeling better today.  It always scares me when I feel sad for no reason, and even scarier when it lasts for a few days.  Wednesday night I worked and towards the end of the night had developed a wicked headache.  It took a couple hours before I could get off the floor to take some advil, but once I did it didn't take long to start working thankfully!!!  By the time I got home Thursday morning I was pretty dragged out.  I decided in my infinite wisdom, to not take any chances of not sleeping.  I took an Aleve and a full sleeping pill then went straight to bed.  I had a wonderful sleep.  I slept from 9am until 5:15!!  I still didn't want to get up, but for some reason the company I work for thinks I should show up since they pay me???  How silly is that LOL!

Thursday night went much better. I felt rested, the line ran well and to top things off I was able to get a lot done.  Now I did have an issue with one of our temp agency associates but I dealt with that.

Today I slept a couple hours.....yep about 2.....maybe 2.5, then I got up and had a shower and got ready to go to the gym.  Today was a weigh and measure day.......it hasn't been a fun day for me lately.  I have hit a plateau and so the scale isn't moving and I am getting frustrated.  Today was better news than I expected though, I gained 2 pounds BUT lost almost 0.5% body fat!!  So that tells me that I am retaining water but still burning fat.  I have decided to give myself a week of NO diet at all, then I will start the phase 1, 2, 3 cycle again once my metabolism is fired up again.  With the sun out again and the warmer weather here I hope to get out more often. 

On another note, my sister in law sent me an email today.  She is a remarkable woman.  I envy her in so many ways, am so proud of her and love her to bits.  My dear SIL decided to try the Curves challenge once she saw not only what it is doing for me, but how much I am enjoying it.  She started with a month of strength training, then added the eating plan and now has decided to quit smoking!!  She is quickly approaching the 72hour mark.  While it hasn't been easy she is doing well and I am proud of her for tackling yet another huge life change in such a short time.  I don't need to cross my fingers because she doesn't need luck, she is a strong woman and I know that when she puts her mind to something, nothing can stop her :)  Love ya Girl!!


I am relieved that my mood has lifted.  While I am not singing and dancing in the streets, I am also not on the verge of tears (well ok crying)  on and off.  I am hoping that with good night sleep tonight and some sun tomorrow (hopefully a good walk with the dog) I will be back where I want to be.   I am positive now that I missed (ignored??) some signs from my body telling me I was pushing it, so it pushed back and slugged me over the head with a sign.  No more pushing it for me, at least for awhile.....anyone who knows me, knows I like to push my limits.  So tonight a dose of sleeping pill and a snuggle up to my hubby.   Tomorrow, get some yard work done, some sun, a visit with a good friend and some laughs!!  I had my sad day, now is time to be happy again.

Cheers!

Bad Day.....

Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but rising up every time we do fail. -Ralph Waldo Emerson

Today was a bad day.  Still is I guess since I haven't gone to bed yet.  I woke up sad, went through the day sad, and am now exhausted and still sad.  I don't really know for sure why, but I have some suspicions.  The one most likely being I have worked a lot of overtime lately.  The weather is always a possibility and the PMS aspect too lol. 

This last couple weeks have been busy.  I have had to take over as LSL again as my LSL is off in definitely with a sore shoulder, which means I am the lead on my line, need to come in early to organize team for the day and need to answer for our results for the shift.  I also drove school bus Thursday afternoon, worked Friday, Saturday and Sunday at the plant, then again Monday afternoon with the school bus and today 6 hours at the plant.  Tomorrow and Thursday I work night shifts at the plant.  This weekend I won't be doing anything 'work-like' at all.  No cleaning the house, nothing like that at all!  Saturday evening I am going to a candle party at a friend's.  I am really looking forward to it!! Otherwise I am planning on doing absolutely nothing. 

The other frustration, or possible reason for my sad feelings, would be my weight.  While I haven't gained at all, I haven't lost either.  I know that I should focus on all that I have achieved but sometimes it is hard not to focus on how far I have left to go.  I have decided to focus on getting myself into a Mon, Wed, Friday regime at the gym and not let myself talk me out of going just because it is a work day.  I am going before work, which is tough, but I hope that it will pay off.  The other thing I have done is stopped 'dieting'.  I am going to give my body a break (which is suggested by Phase 3, but they have it more structured).  I want to give my mind a break too, by not worrying about what I am or not eating.  I will keep an eye on my weight so that I don't gain a bunch that I have to worry about losing later.  I think in a few weeks, I will start doing phase 3 strict for a few days and then back to phase 1 for 2 days then back to 3 etc.  Hopefully I can instill the workout routine and not let it slide over the summer. 


I tried to choose to be happy today.  I honestly did.  I even thought that maybe being at work would help.  Boy was I wrong!  Actually it wasn't so bad, at least the first few hours.  Towards the end of the day the department manager asked me some questions, that hit a sore spot for me.  Honestly I thought I was over it, and for the most part I think I am, but today being a rough mood day and then that particular conversation.....I don't know.......

So where do I go from here?  I guess my first step is to get some sleep.  I am going to relax and read for a few hours since I am working tomorrow night I can't go to bed early.  But tomorrow I will make sure I go to bed earlier so that I get a little extra sleep before the gym and work. 

Keep your fingers crossed for me, pray if you believe and send happy thoughts.  I am sure tomorrow will be better

10 Years

"If you don't stand for something, you will fall for everything."

My baby girl turned 10 on the 9th.  So she is no longer a baby, but I will always think of her that way.  You know when she was cute, didn't mouth off and would eat veggies????  LOL Ok she is still cute but she does get mouthy and refuses to eat veggies  :D  It is hard to believe that she used to spend most of her time either sleeping on my chest or in her swing!  She loved her swing and some days was the only way to keep her happy.  She was the first Grandchild on both sides and a miracle in so many ways.  She was the first girl to be born into my husband's bio-logical family in 200years and also she defied so many odds and was born a healthy girl after a high risk pregnancy and birth.  It still amazes me everything we went through and yet she survived. 

Today I took my darling girl and 2 of her friends to the theatre to see Beastly.  It is most definitely a pre-teen movie, it is cheesy and obvious, a modern day Beauty and the Beast story.  I must say I didn't hate it, I even enjoyed it for what it was.  Neil Patrick Harris was in it, as was Mary-Kate Olsen and they played great roles and did wonderful job with them too.  I had to laugh a few times.  As for the girls, they were starting the 'I have to go to the bathroom" but a simple '1 at a time' rule ended that quick.  I wasn't spending close to $100 for tickets and snacks for the girls to spend the entire thing in the washroom!

Monday I plan to have a Mommy/Daughter day, shopping for clothes and lunch.   I am quite looking forward to this.  It has been a long time since I have been confident enough to attempt this and also had the money to do it.  It will be a day of celebration for both me and her :)


My weight loss journey is still going, a little slow right now but with the winter blahs, I am happy to report that even though I wasn't active as I should and wasn't watching what I was eating all that closely, that I didn't gain!  I am still at 203 pounds, which is better than gaining!!  I will get back into my groove after March Break.  :)

So I will sign off for now.
Cheers

Busy Busy Busy

That would be the way to describe my life as of late!!  I feel like all I have been doing is working, but if I stop and think I really have gotten a lot accomplished at home too.  I really have been working extra hours, and those do tire me out...literally.  As for the home front, I have completed some projects that have been on my to-do list for quite some time.  The first one was to finally hang my hubby's (and my) diploma's from college.  We have only lived here for 4 years so it was about time I dragged them out of the closet lol.  Don't think I haven't hung anything on the walls these past 4 years, I have, but I never did find a place for our diplomas.  The other project was to clean up my laundry room.  Now this may not sound like a big deal to you, but my laundry room is half of my basement and isn't finished.  Plus I had all sorts of garbage just laying on the floor.  So now everything is bagged up, cleaned up and arranged so that it makes better use of the space.  I even cleaned up most of the spider webs hanging from the pipes and floor joists lol.....it is still a yucky space, but closer to starting the finishing!

I bought a set of picture frames at Wal-Mart today, 10 frames for $10.  The frames are plain black heavy plastic, but look nice and have glass too.  So my next project is to put pictures in those frames and hang them!!  We have always wanted to have a photo collage wall so this will get us started.  (I even have a wall that I want to use ha!)

I didn't truly notice just how blah I have been lately.  I knew all I wanted to do was sleep and I had no motivation, but I wasn't sad so I didn't really think of my depression......no worries I'm not sick again, just the Jan/Feb blahs.  It sure does feel good to see the sun again and to have some motivation to get things done, but on the other side it is scary that I was so blah and didn't really truly notice.  I have had a lot of stress with work so I contributed my feelings to that, but I should have been more aware so just how much I was being affected. 

My weight loss journey is going well.  I haven't lost any in the last while, but I haven't gained either!  A co-worker from work gave me some jeans that no longer fit her (she is losing too) and I tried them on and they fit like a glove!!!  It is so nice to wear clothes that fit!  My other jeans were a 16 or an 18 and I could take them off without undoing them and the jeans that were given to me are 14s!!!!  I don't have to suck in my gut or lay down to get them on either, they fit well and comfortably.  I am hoping that now my energy and motivation seem to be coming back (along with spring) that I will beat this plateau and be in 12s before next fall.   I guess we will see.

My baby girl is turning 10 on the 9th.  I can hardly believe that it has been 10 years.  For her birthday I told her that if she agreed to have either 1 girl for a sleepover or a couple girls over for the afternoon vs a big birthday party that I would take her clothes shopping and lunch just her and I.  She thought that was a great idea!  I am really looking forward to a girl's day.  She isn't a baby any longer....

Well that is all for now, I have a busy weekend ahead with work, but vacation time coming up soon too!!

Enjoy the sun!
I

Little reminders

You can not fail without your consent.  You can not succeed without your participation.

Even though I am considered 'Recovered' by the medical world, I still have a tendency to become negative towards myself.  The key is to catch myself and turn it around.  This last few weeks have been somewhat of a challenge in that sense.  The 'after Christmas let down ' is always a tough one, and dealing with the 'high-school' atmosphere at work is another constant challenge.  I am not one of the 'cool kids' and not that I want to be, but it isn't just a case of not being cool, it is that I am ignored/isolated and even belittled.  Although most of it is done behind my back, there is cruelty to my face also, not often, since I keep my distance, but still oh so high-school.

I didn't really notice quite how much this has affected me until this past week.  I have had some little 'reminders' that have added up to a nice kick in the pants for me so to speak lol.  The first came from a woman at work.  I have worked with this woman for a year now, and have a great time with her, but we have never gone past the work stage.  Well she invited me out to a candle party.  I wasn't going to go, but I decided that I would take the chance.  I felt like I was going out on a first date!!  I was nervous and suspicious and just silly really!  I had an amazing time, we laughed so much!  I have been invited to girls night out next week and I am so excited.  The girls there aren't from the cool kids group either and are happy to have me join them :p  It reminded me that I could make friends and have a good time, I was cool to someone.

Another little reminder came from my Aunt's status update on Facebook.  I wear make up so I'm fake. I like to get dressed up so I love myself. I say what I think so I'm a bitch. I cry sometimes so I'm an attention seeker. I talk to men so I'm a slut. I stand up for myself so I'm mouthy. I like my food so I'm fat! Seems like you can't do anything these days without being labeled, so label me because I honestly don't give a crap.. Post this as your status if you are proud of who you are  - This reminded me that no matter what others think, I know who I am and what I am capable of.   Thanks Auntie. 


Then after my last shift at work, which turned out to be another challenging one as things didn't happen quite as they should have and so the 'cool kids' were relishing in the possibility that I could be in trouble.  I knew I wasn't, didn't do anything wrong, but they blew the situation out of proportion and felt I would be.  Yes that hurt......I tried to hold my head up high and laugh it off, but truly the fact that so many of my own teammates wanted to see me fail so badly.....  I stopped and had a conversation with someone on my way out of the plant and was given yet another little reminder......  He reminded me of what I have gone through, what I have achieved and what I have done to help others.  He reminded me that the only reason someone would want to see me fail is pure jealousy and that they few me as a threat and feel the need to be better than me.  Again oh so high school........


My last little reminder was just before typing this post.  I went to visit the ripples pond to see if I could find an appropriate quote for today.......and wow how much more of a reminder could I get!!  When it comes down to it, it is ME who decides my feelings, it is ME who decides what I can achieve and it is ME who chooses how the thoughts of others affects me.  I have re-decided (if that is even a word) that I am going to CHOOSE to live in my bubble and ignore the negativity at work from the so called cool kids and focus on ME, my FAMILY and FRIENDS who accept ME for ME.


Before I go, I also want to give you a quick update on my weight loss journey.  Jan 10th, I had my last weigh in and had gained enough to go back and start Phase 1 of the Curves eating plan again.  I did 1 week of phase one and then started phase 2 last week.  I was also sick last week, low fever,  chills, body aches the whole 9 yards.  I didn't miss work, but I did miss going to the gym the whole week.  Today was my first day back......so I got on the scale prepared to see a huge gain.  I put the scale at my last weight and it hit bottom....hard.  So I backed it up a pound, then another and another.  I lost 5.75pounds!!!!  Yippie!!  My workout was tough, my heart and lungs were screaming at me, but I made it through and am happy to know that missing a week didn't totally destroy my progress.   It goes to show that what I am doing is working and the results prove it.  So now I am 203.25 pounds.  I am celebrating once under the 200 mark and then my next goal will be 175.  At least that is what I am thinking, I may change it to smaller increments, not sure yet.


So I am going to continue to fight every day to be happy, positive and to be confident in myself as well as celebrate my achievements.  Your life is about you......so why let others make it about them?????


Celebrate YOU.

Happy New Year!!

Have no fear of perfection - you'll never reach it ~ Salvador Dali

Happy New Year!
Christmas was absolutely wonderful!!!  Both kids were spoiled this year and we didn't have to take out a second mortgage to do it!  After all they have been through with my journey it is only fair they get rewarded for going through everything they did and still are such amazing kids.

Christmas was spent at home.  My parents and my brother came up Christmas Eve.  We ate pizza and watched movies and visited.  We all went to bed around 10 (well the kids were earlier, but Nicholas refused to go to sleep!) Santa had to sneak in since Nick wasn't asleep and then after Santa left we had Nick come and sleep with us.  (We wanted to get a bit of sleep)  Well at 2am our darling Christiane decided that she had enough sleep and discovered Santa had arrived.  She came down to let us know.  We told her to open her stocking and let us sleep some more.  At 3am, my oh so wonderful hubby (he really is!) decided he was too excited and so we woke everyone else up and opened presents at 3:30am!!!  I went back to bed at 6 and slept till 8 when I had to get up to get the Turkey in the oven.  lol   That was the greatest 2 hours of sleep I've ever had!  A wonderful day of visiting, playing with new toys/games and eating.  I took a page from my mother-in-laws book and have our dinner around 2 or 3 so that I can have clean up done, everyone has had more than junk to eat and we can enjoy a nice dessert later in the evening.  My in-laws came up for dinner too, but had to leave right after as my MIL wasn't feeling well.  It was still a great dinner, the food was delicious, the company just right.  :)

New Years Eve my hubby was tired and somehow had us all in bed at 7:30!!  LOL  The kids went to bed without complaint and even I crawled into bed to read before sleep.  That is when I looked at the clock and saw that it was only 7:30!!! LOL  Oh well, my kids bought me 'Thief' and 'Shades of War' by Sarah-Jane Lehoux for Christmas.  I went to high school with Sarah-Jane and was super excited that she is a published author!!  Honestly if you enjoy a good fantasy/horror novel then you will enjoy her books.  I love her Main Character 'Sevy' she is a self proclaimed 'B!tch' and feels so real.  I finished the 2nd book last night, I hated putting them down and am sad that I have to wait for Masquerade to be published.  Oh well I will re-read Thief and Shades of War just before I read Masquerade.  It will be worth it.

New Years Day we spent with some close friends.  We had a great visit as always.

I assume you are following this blog, out to hear about my 'Oh so exciting life' but to relate to my journey or even journeys.  So I will update you on those too :)

My depression has been mostly controlled.  I had a little of the 'After Christmas let-down' but it was very mild and I was able to get over it quickly.  Back to work is always hard for me.  I find that the plant that I work is full of negativity and unfortunately I tend to be one who absorbs the feelings around me.  I have to try to remain conscience of my mood and work at making it positive.  I think I have been doing alright, but it sure is hard when all you want to do is go home, and so does everyone else :)  

My weight loss journey has been good too.  As you already know from my last post that I lost 9 pounds my first 2 weeks.  Well over Christmas & New Years I gained only 3/4 of a pound!!!  Then last week I gained another 1.5 pounds so I am starting back on Phase 1 for a week.  I guess we will see how it goes.  Today was my first day and I must say that I thought I was going to starve (you are cut back 1000 calories between phase 3 and then phase 1) but it hasn't been too bad.   I am working nights the next 2 days so that will help too :)  So all in all, I am down 6 pounds for the month which is great and healthy too!  I am excited to see how well I do this week.

Well I have a sick little boy to snuggle with.
 Hope your Christmas and New Years were as wonderful as Mine!