Little reminders

You can not fail without your consent.  You can not succeed without your participation.

Even though I am considered 'Recovered' by the medical world, I still have a tendency to become negative towards myself.  The key is to catch myself and turn it around.  This last few weeks have been somewhat of a challenge in that sense.  The 'after Christmas let down ' is always a tough one, and dealing with the 'high-school' atmosphere at work is another constant challenge.  I am not one of the 'cool kids' and not that I want to be, but it isn't just a case of not being cool, it is that I am ignored/isolated and even belittled.  Although most of it is done behind my back, there is cruelty to my face also, not often, since I keep my distance, but still oh so high-school.

I didn't really notice quite how much this has affected me until this past week.  I have had some little 'reminders' that have added up to a nice kick in the pants for me so to speak lol.  The first came from a woman at work.  I have worked with this woman for a year now, and have a great time with her, but we have never gone past the work stage.  Well she invited me out to a candle party.  I wasn't going to go, but I decided that I would take the chance.  I felt like I was going out on a first date!!  I was nervous and suspicious and just silly really!  I had an amazing time, we laughed so much!  I have been invited to girls night out next week and I am so excited.  The girls there aren't from the cool kids group either and are happy to have me join them :p  It reminded me that I could make friends and have a good time, I was cool to someone.

Another little reminder came from my Aunt's status update on Facebook.  I wear make up so I'm fake. I like to get dressed up so I love myself. I say what I think so I'm a bitch. I cry sometimes so I'm an attention seeker. I talk to men so I'm a slut. I stand up for myself so I'm mouthy. I like my food so I'm fat! Seems like you can't do anything these days without being labeled, so label me because I honestly don't give a crap.. Post this as your status if you are proud of who you are  - This reminded me that no matter what others think, I know who I am and what I am capable of.   Thanks Auntie. 


Then after my last shift at work, which turned out to be another challenging one as things didn't happen quite as they should have and so the 'cool kids' were relishing in the possibility that I could be in trouble.  I knew I wasn't, didn't do anything wrong, but they blew the situation out of proportion and felt I would be.  Yes that hurt......I tried to hold my head up high and laugh it off, but truly the fact that so many of my own teammates wanted to see me fail so badly.....  I stopped and had a conversation with someone on my way out of the plant and was given yet another little reminder......  He reminded me of what I have gone through, what I have achieved and what I have done to help others.  He reminded me that the only reason someone would want to see me fail is pure jealousy and that they few me as a threat and feel the need to be better than me.  Again oh so high school........


My last little reminder was just before typing this post.  I went to visit the ripples pond to see if I could find an appropriate quote for today.......and wow how much more of a reminder could I get!!  When it comes down to it, it is ME who decides my feelings, it is ME who decides what I can achieve and it is ME who chooses how the thoughts of others affects me.  I have re-decided (if that is even a word) that I am going to CHOOSE to live in my bubble and ignore the negativity at work from the so called cool kids and focus on ME, my FAMILY and FRIENDS who accept ME for ME.


Before I go, I also want to give you a quick update on my weight loss journey.  Jan 10th, I had my last weigh in and had gained enough to go back and start Phase 1 of the Curves eating plan again.  I did 1 week of phase one and then started phase 2 last week.  I was also sick last week, low fever,  chills, body aches the whole 9 yards.  I didn't miss work, but I did miss going to the gym the whole week.  Today was my first day back......so I got on the scale prepared to see a huge gain.  I put the scale at my last weight and it hit bottom....hard.  So I backed it up a pound, then another and another.  I lost 5.75pounds!!!!  Yippie!!  My workout was tough, my heart and lungs were screaming at me, but I made it through and am happy to know that missing a week didn't totally destroy my progress.   It goes to show that what I am doing is working and the results prove it.  So now I am 203.25 pounds.  I am celebrating once under the 200 mark and then my next goal will be 175.  At least that is what I am thinking, I may change it to smaller increments, not sure yet.


So I am going to continue to fight every day to be happy, positive and to be confident in myself as well as celebrate my achievements.  Your life is about you......so why let others make it about them?????


Celebrate YOU.