In order to tell my story and for someone to understand just what I went through, I will be divulging some of the most humiliating times of my life. While at the time(s) I was humiliated, embarrassed and wanting to disappear, now I realize they are just a moment in my life and part of who I am. While I would rather not go through it again (or have gone through it EVER) I try to remember that each moment we live makes us who we are. So here we go......
In the beginning......well not THE beginning, but where I am going to begin my story anyways!
A little background..... I remember being 'sick' all the time. As a kid in elementary school, I could be watching a sitcom on TV at home with my parents and brother, laughing one minute and the next I would feel nauseous and HOT. It could be the dead of winter and I could go outside in just a pair of PJ's and still feel too warm. We never realized that I was having anxiety attacks, we just assumed I was sickly. As time went on and I was in High School, I was even brought to the Emergency of the local hospital thinking that I had food poisoning or various other symptoms. It was never recognized for what it was for quite a long time.
When I was in college, I began to date a guy in my class. On our first date I took one of my worst panic attacks up to that time. We were driving home after visiting some friends and grabbed a bite to eat at the McDonald's drive thru. About 15mins later I started feeling nauseous and warm. It was winter and I rolled down the window to the truck and that seemed to help a little. Not long after that though I had to use the washroom BAD! We were about 10 minutes to the nearest town or gas station. nothing but trees were to be seen.
While he tried his best to get me somewhere, I didn't make it. While my body felt relief, my mind was racing. I had just blown my chance to be with someone all because I couldn't hold my bowel! I was completely and utterly disgusted with myself, humiliated and anything else you could possibly think of was going through my mind. This 'guy' took it all in stride. He tried to comfort me and tell me that it could happen to anyone (ya right I thought, only it is me!!), etc. He then offered to stop at his parents place to borrow some clothes for me to change into. My plan was to stay in the truck (I did NOT want to meet anyone much less his parents in the condition I was in), unfortunately as we already know this was not my lucky day. I had another severe wave and bolted into the house pleading to use the washroom. And that is how I met his Mother! While I was in the washroom, being sick and praying to simply die in there to avoid the inevitable, his mom suggested that he take me to the local hospital. Through the door he voiced this suggestion and I agreed.
We spent the next few hours at the Emergency room. I was connected to an IV to rehydrate me with a side of Gravol and Imodium to stop the nausea and diarrhea.
This is the most 'memorable' time before being diagnosed. The rest of the story will continue from the diagnosis process, through my initial treatment, my breakdown, recovery and on to the present. I will share with you the effects on my kids, my husband, my family and friends and of course myself.
Believe me or not but this 'guy' stuck around and we continued to date and eventually get married!! This 'guy's' name is Chaun and is my husband.
