Today is August 16th....

Wow time flies!  I started my vacation on July 30th and tonight I go back to work.  I can hardly believe the time has gone by already.  I had a wonderful time off.  The August long weekend we went camping with our best friends.  We all had a great time.  The park was so clean and the sites were big.  The beach was wonderful as the kids could walk out forever without it getting deep.  The playground was a 'participaction' park so all the equipment doubled as fitness equipment too.

We then came home for a few days and had our beautiful God daughter stay with us for the first time in years.  It is so nice to have them living close by again!  We had a good week with her too.

That Friday (Aug 6th) we left for my family reunion.  Another fun weekend!  My kids are both old enough now that I can let them run free in the park without having to worry about them.  Plus the reunion books half of the campsite so everyone watches out for everyone's kids.  Friday night was setup and a corn roast, but my monkeys are always too tired to stay up for the corn roast.  Saturday is visiting, the kids games, horseshoe tournament and then the BIG supper.  This year was fish and deep fried turkey!  Yummy!  We also went to my husband's family get together for a few hours that afternoon.  Neither of us play horseshoes so it was good timing :)   Sunday is the pancake breakfast and taking everything down and packing up and the toonie tosses for both adults and kids.  Then the meeting for next year's reunion.  It ended up raining during packup and breakfast so we decided to head on home.  It was a great time.

The next week we ended up staying at my in-laws and helping get ready for my husband's other side of the family get together.  His cousin was visiting from BC with her son who had just turned 1 (and we hadn't met yet)  She also surprised everyone with the news she was pregnant again!

Finally we returned home the Saturday night.  It sure is nice to be home again.  I spent all day yesterday doing absolutely nothing. Well except for digital scrapbooking.  I am almost finished to last Christmas lol so not too far behind!  Today I went back to the gym.  Oh how good that felt!  I also checked my weight and I haven't lost, but haven't gained either!!  Which is a miracle with the fact that I only went to the gym2-3 times in the 2 weeks and didn't bother keeping my eating in check a whole lot either :P  I plan to start the Curves eating plan next month to give me a boost.  Another nice surprise I had today was that while I knew that last month I had lost 3.5 pounds and a few inches I hadn't realized just how many inches.........drum roll please.......9.75 inches!!!!   Holy Moly!!!  It will be interesting to see how that works out this month since I haven't been doing much, but as long as I don't gain pounds or inches I will be happy!!

Well I guess I had better start getting ready for work.  While I knew this day was coming I was still hoping to become independently wealthy!! LOL  Oh well, I do like my job, I just don't like going to it :P

Cheers!

On the right road...

Well here it is the 21st of July.  I had an appointment with my psychiatrist last week and he said that I no longer HAVE to go to see him.  He feels that not only have I recovered, but I am sustaining quite well on my own.  We also discussed lowering or discontinuing my medication.  My thought was that I have been on some form of anti-depressant for over 10 years, which tells me that my chemical imbalance is permanent.  So why risk relapse if I am not suffering from side effects and it isn't harming my body?  His experience is that most patients want to get off the medication, as though the medication determines that they have the illness....not the symptoms.  My argument for that was 'Do people who have high blood pressure stop taking their medication once their blood pressure is lowered??'  I realize that this is my choice and my feelings, and that not everyone looks at the situation the same.  I just think this is the best approach for me.  I am not ashamed of who I am, I am not suffering from side effects (like weight gain) with my current dosages, and all my blood work is fine so there is no liver/kidney strain etc and there is no financial worry.... so why risk it????  We may consider trying to lower my dosage in 6 months, but for now I am happy just as I am. 

On another good note, my weight loss road is also coasting nicely down :)  I am down another 3.5lbs this month along with some inches and 0.5% body fat.  I am now 207lbs!!  7 more pounds and I will celebrate my first goal!  I haven't made any further changes, other than I am not as hungry, so my meals are a bit smaller but I am not depriving myself in anyway.   I want this change to stick so I don't have to worry about what I am eating for the rest of my life.  So far I don't feel like I am dieting or exercising.  I enjoy Curves and since it is only a short time each visit it isn't a chore!

Work is good.  The new supervisor is great.  I am still learning, growing and working hard all around.  I am enjoying my job again.....so nice!

Well I have a little boy who wants to lay down and snuggle with Mommy.  I have been working nights the last 2 nights so he really hasn't seen me since Sunday......shift work sucks sometimes!

Bon Voyage!

No it's not me.  I don't have any time off until August.....
The Bon Voyage goes to my Boss, or should I say ex-boss.  He is off to a new role after he comes back from his vacation and wedding.  Believe it or not, I do wish him well.  He was a pretty good boss/supervisor until about 6 months ago....then he got strict and picky.  Oh well, here's hoping our new Boss will be great.

I am still going to Curves.  I was a little bummed out after my last weigh-in on the 19th.  I hadn't lost any pounds but I did lose some inches and 0.5% body fat.  So it is still positive.  Anywho I went in today, and thought I would weigh myself before my workout and I am down 2.5lbs!!  Yippie!  I am hoping this keeps up for the next few weeks so that my next weigh-in is a success too :)

For Father's Day I made breakfast in bed for my hubby and then he convinced me to get some shorts for myself.  So we went to Pennington's (which I have been avoiding as it was just another thing that made me feel like I would never get the weight off....silly I know....but that is just how I felt) I picked up 2 pairs of Capri pants (one cargo style, one denim) a pair of denim shorts and another pair of Jersey Capri pants for working out or relaxing in.

My son turned 6 yesterday.  On the 19th we had his birthday party at the local cinema.  We and 13 kids (which included my 2 and my nephew) watched Toy Story 3 in 3D.  Great movie.  I almost cried at the end!!  I won't say anything else as I don't want to spoil it for you, but I will say that it was a great movie!  The kids were all so well behaved.  They all sat in a row and watched the whole movie (almost 2hrs long) and I only had to get up 3 times for bathroom breaks lol!

Today is the last day of school.  Both of my kids did well.  My daughter goes on to grade 4 with 7 A's and 7 B's and my son goes to grade 1 with an award for fairness.  The kindergarten classes don't get graded A, B or C.

I guess I should also update you on 'Guy'.  Well....he is doing so much better.  Unfortunately he came around too late so his assessment was a not meeting and he had to prepare an action plan.  But he certainly has stepped up to the plate and is preforming quite well.  He also requested me as a coach/mentor.  I was surprised and flattered.  We are going to work together to get him to take the last steps to be his full potential.   

I requested my contribution assessment be held early so that I could work against any opportunity areas before I present for my promotion.  It went extremely well!  I was so nervous that it would turn out bad, but it didn't.  My co-workers thought I was silly for being worried, but I couldn't help it :)

Well I think that is about all for now.  Life has been stressful, but I am working hard to stay as positive as I can. 

Here is a ripple I received in my email box on Monday that I think is suiting:

The thoughts we choose to think
are the tools we use to paint
the canvas of our lives.
-Louise Hay

Ripples

While my mood hasn't been bad, it has been on the negative side.  Work has had me on a roller coaster ride.  This past Wednesday I attended the plant Business Day.  (It is mandatory, but I am glad I went)  Our guest speaker who is a motivational speaker, gave me the reminder that I needed.  Paul Wesslemann aka "The Ripples Guy", was upbeat, motivational and contagious!  I thoroughly enjoyed his presentation.  If you need a reminder to 'LIG'  Let it go...  visit him at http://theripplesguy.com/ and http://theripplesproject.org/who.php

A little reminder once a week might be just the thing. 
He taught us to Get down to the Y (Why do we do what we do?  What drives us)
Let the bad stuff bounce off (LIG Let it go)
Make little ripples - (Little things make you and others happy, One ripple starts another)
Make many ripples to create a tidal wave! - (Enough ripples cause a tidal wave!)

I signed up for his Monday 60sec inspirational email.  It is free.  I will let you know how the ripples is when I receive my first one :)

Take care and remember... LIG

Happy Long Weekend!

While May 24th is officially the day we celebrate the Birth of Queen Victoria, to many Canadians it is more a day to celebrate the coming of summer!  We Canadians call it the May two four weekend (2-4....like two four of beer???? 24 case of beer??? get it????)

Anyhow, this weekend looks like it is going to be a good one.

Last night after work I went out with the gang from work to have a few drinks and say 'It was great working with you' to a co-worker who's contract has finished.  Jay was transferred to our team only in January but I can't remember what it was like working without him.  He has become a good friend also!  I am not looking forward to my next shifts without him.

Today the kids are both in school and my hubby is working, so I took the morning to relax and recoup from being out so late last night.  Then I did a quick tidy of the house and mowed the lawn.  In another hour or so I will be heading off to the gym.  Then it is home for dinner and off to buy groceries.  Tomorrow will be a day of fun with some good friends of ours.  BBQ, pool, fire  etc nice relaxing day for us and great fun for the kids.

Work has been hectic to say the least.  My boss has been giving me mixed signals and making my work generally more difficult.  I confronted him on it, and while I didn't get the answer I wanted (not that I expected to) but I did do it and am proud of myself for being able to stand up and say You deflated me.  You made me feel that the special project I took on is a waste of time and also that my progressing (promotion) is also not important.  So while it was not something I wanted to do, and also very very difficult for me....I did it.  It is empowering to know that I can do it.

Well that is about all for now.  Life is good!

A prayer for today

Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are. Let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart. Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow. Let me hold you while I may, for it may not always be so. One day I shall dig my nails into the earth, or bury my face in the pillow, or stretch myself taut, or raise my hands to the sky and want, more than all the world, your return.


Last night I had gone out after work for a couple beer with a few co-workers.  It sure was a good time, but I stayed up way too late for someone who had to get up to get the kids to school!!  lol  oh well you only live once.

Today was a normal day.  After dragging myself out of bed, getting the kids ready for school and convincing myself NOT to crawl back into bed I got dressed and got on with my day.  Hubby and I did a maintenance grocery shopping and stopped by Goodwill to pick up some 'new-to-me' clothes as my work shirts are worn out and my jeans are getting baggy.  :)  The rest of my afternoon was spent getting my area rug outside to be cleaned and then I proceeded to clean my living room.  Tomorrow I tackle the kitchen and bathroom and go to the gym.


Yes, a pretty normal day, a happy day.  My life may not be super exciting but I get enough drama and excitement at work!  It is so nice to have a few days of normalcy to break up all that drama  :p

So be thankful for the quiet days, the normal days, the exciting days and the sad days.  They are all days and all part of who we are and who we want to be.

Another Journey

Life is truly about journeys.  If you have been reading this blog, you know about my toughest journey....but today I am writing about yet another part of that journey which is an entire journey of its own.....weight loss.

Before my nervous breakdown I had quite the nice shaped body.  I was a total of 140lbs (even after having 2 kids!), but unfortunately between the agoraphobia and the multiple medications (of the 9 I was on at one point, 4 had a side effect of weight gain)  I rapidly became at my highest 270lbs.  This only added to my depression and lack of self esteem as well as creating other health issues.

Just as with my depression/anxiety, I had to stop blaming and feeling sorry for myself and do something about it.  While I wanted the weight off and off now, I also didn't want to set myself up for a failure.  My first goal was to just get back to work and get to full time.  I had to focus on my mental health, while ensuring that I wasn't going to make work harder on my body or mind by starving it or over working it.  During the first 4 months back to work I lost 20lbs without changing my eating habits.

Ok so I am back to work and up to full time hours.  Now is the time to make some more changes.  My next task was to visit a nutritionist.  While I was eating fairly healthy, I was eating more than my body needed.  So the next step was to scale back my portions, and make some small changes.  Over the next 6 months I lost yet another 30lbs.  While not as fast as I would have liked, it was coming off in a healthy way.

Then came the plateau.......and this plateau lasted a few months.  I visited my nutritionist yet again and she suggested a few more changes, but I really was eating quite well, so she said the word that I knew was coming but was dreading.....EXERCISE!!!!

While I had gone to the YMCA while I was off work and preparing myself to go back to work, I had stopped with returning to work.  My personal trainer had me doing a half hour of cardio and a half hour of weight training 3 times a week.  I work 12 hour rotating shifts, so trying to get to the gym 3 times a week is practically impossible.  Plus on my days off I am so tired and also busy with household duties and errands that finding the time to spend an hour at the gym plus the travel time made it agonizing to go.  So I thought I would do the next best thing......exercise videos at home.  Yep, total failure.  It was too easy to say I would do it later, didn't feel like it or whatever excuse I could dream up.  Walking was great in the summer and fall but once winter came....forget it....I hibernate.

After awhile I had a really bad few days of feeling depressed.  I hated the way I looked, the way I felt, how I ached all the time and was winded just taking the 2 flights of stairs at work to get to my work area and also again each time I went to the cafeteria for break.   I felt horrible, money was tight, life in general seemed to suck the big one!  I decided that I was going to do something yet again instead of sitting around crying and risking a relapse.  What did I do?  I surfed the internet!  I was looking for a 'diet and exercise' plan either online or a download program that would allow me to schedule my exercise and plan my meals out in advance.  During the few days of surfing I found all sorts of free advice, programs and online forums, but none seemed right.

Then I came across the "Curves" website**.  They now offered a weight management class and best of all it was free to attend.  More than prepared that they would try to get me to buy all sorts of stuff I enrolled and went but left my purse at home.  I was extremely surprised.  The only thing they said I would have to buy is the weight management book that gives the info on the eating plan and more than enough recipes to feed yourself for the 30days the plan runs for.

Ok, I haven't started the eating plan.  I joined their gym instead.  BEFORE you call me crazy, hear me out.  I wasn't pressured to join the gym, in fact they said I didn't have to.  The gym didn't look like a normal gym so I asked about it.  Their workout is designed to give you not only your cardio workout, but also your weight training in 30 minutes.  Yep 30 minutes.  So I figured I would give that a try......I could fit in 30 mins a couple times a week for sure and the cost was right. 

I was given a 3 week free trail before signing up.  I was also weighed and measured for the weight management plan which they also do for gym members.  My first month I gained 2 pounds but lost half an inch in most places.  My second month I lost 5 pounds and lost 2 inches from my waist, abs and hips AND lost 1% body fat!!  I am very very excited.  I have made some small changes again to the way I eat, but am not following the eating plan yet.  I decided to focus solely on getting familiar with the workout and getting myself 'addicted' to going before I tackled changing my eating.  Again I did not want to take on too much and get frustrated.

So here I am....5 pounds lighter and 2 inches less round LOL.  I am going to make a few more changes to my eating to get that little bit closer to the eating plan before I jump in.  They warned that jumping right in could cause headaches and fatigue for the first week, so I thought if I made more changes before jumping it it wouldn't be as difficult to keep on going.  For 2 months now I have gone to the gym at least 2 times a week.  I plan to try and squeeze in another workout before work once a week, but that is going to be tough to do, so for now I am happy with 2 and editing eating habits.  The greatest thing about this achievement is that I haven't had to give up my true love...pizza!  LOL  I still order out pizza once or so a month, that is my treat after working my 3 night shifts in a row, and I had chocolate over the month because of Easter, but still lost 5 pounds.  While chocolate and pizza are not part of the eating plan and I might have lost more without them, it is nice to know that I won't have to worry about gaining every time I do treat myself so long as I am reasonable.

Well that is all for me tonight.  I am working tomorrow so it is early to bed to read and relax before sleep.


Cheers!



**I am in NO WAY being paid to endorse Curves.  I haven't even told them I am writing about them on my blog, or that I even have a blog.  I am only a woman who has found it is working for me.