Little reminders

You can not fail without your consent.  You can not succeed without your participation.

Even though I am considered 'Recovered' by the medical world, I still have a tendency to become negative towards myself.  The key is to catch myself and turn it around.  This last few weeks have been somewhat of a challenge in that sense.  The 'after Christmas let down ' is always a tough one, and dealing with the 'high-school' atmosphere at work is another constant challenge.  I am not one of the 'cool kids' and not that I want to be, but it isn't just a case of not being cool, it is that I am ignored/isolated and even belittled.  Although most of it is done behind my back, there is cruelty to my face also, not often, since I keep my distance, but still oh so high-school.

I didn't really notice quite how much this has affected me until this past week.  I have had some little 'reminders' that have added up to a nice kick in the pants for me so to speak lol.  The first came from a woman at work.  I have worked with this woman for a year now, and have a great time with her, but we have never gone past the work stage.  Well she invited me out to a candle party.  I wasn't going to go, but I decided that I would take the chance.  I felt like I was going out on a first date!!  I was nervous and suspicious and just silly really!  I had an amazing time, we laughed so much!  I have been invited to girls night out next week and I am so excited.  The girls there aren't from the cool kids group either and are happy to have me join them :p  It reminded me that I could make friends and have a good time, I was cool to someone.

Another little reminder came from my Aunt's status update on Facebook.  I wear make up so I'm fake. I like to get dressed up so I love myself. I say what I think so I'm a bitch. I cry sometimes so I'm an attention seeker. I talk to men so I'm a slut. I stand up for myself so I'm mouthy. I like my food so I'm fat! Seems like you can't do anything these days without being labeled, so label me because I honestly don't give a crap.. Post this as your status if you are proud of who you are  - This reminded me that no matter what others think, I know who I am and what I am capable of.   Thanks Auntie. 


Then after my last shift at work, which turned out to be another challenging one as things didn't happen quite as they should have and so the 'cool kids' were relishing in the possibility that I could be in trouble.  I knew I wasn't, didn't do anything wrong, but they blew the situation out of proportion and felt I would be.  Yes that hurt......I tried to hold my head up high and laugh it off, but truly the fact that so many of my own teammates wanted to see me fail so badly.....  I stopped and had a conversation with someone on my way out of the plant and was given yet another little reminder......  He reminded me of what I have gone through, what I have achieved and what I have done to help others.  He reminded me that the only reason someone would want to see me fail is pure jealousy and that they few me as a threat and feel the need to be better than me.  Again oh so high school........


My last little reminder was just before typing this post.  I went to visit the ripples pond to see if I could find an appropriate quote for today.......and wow how much more of a reminder could I get!!  When it comes down to it, it is ME who decides my feelings, it is ME who decides what I can achieve and it is ME who chooses how the thoughts of others affects me.  I have re-decided (if that is even a word) that I am going to CHOOSE to live in my bubble and ignore the negativity at work from the so called cool kids and focus on ME, my FAMILY and FRIENDS who accept ME for ME.


Before I go, I also want to give you a quick update on my weight loss journey.  Jan 10th, I had my last weigh in and had gained enough to go back and start Phase 1 of the Curves eating plan again.  I did 1 week of phase one and then started phase 2 last week.  I was also sick last week, low fever,  chills, body aches the whole 9 yards.  I didn't miss work, but I did miss going to the gym the whole week.  Today was my first day back......so I got on the scale prepared to see a huge gain.  I put the scale at my last weight and it hit bottom....hard.  So I backed it up a pound, then another and another.  I lost 5.75pounds!!!!  Yippie!!  My workout was tough, my heart and lungs were screaming at me, but I made it through and am happy to know that missing a week didn't totally destroy my progress.   It goes to show that what I am doing is working and the results prove it.  So now I am 203.25 pounds.  I am celebrating once under the 200 mark and then my next goal will be 175.  At least that is what I am thinking, I may change it to smaller increments, not sure yet.


So I am going to continue to fight every day to be happy, positive and to be confident in myself as well as celebrate my achievements.  Your life is about you......so why let others make it about them?????


Celebrate YOU.

Happy New Year!!

Have no fear of perfection - you'll never reach it ~ Salvador Dali

Happy New Year!
Christmas was absolutely wonderful!!!  Both kids were spoiled this year and we didn't have to take out a second mortgage to do it!  After all they have been through with my journey it is only fair they get rewarded for going through everything they did and still are such amazing kids.

Christmas was spent at home.  My parents and my brother came up Christmas Eve.  We ate pizza and watched movies and visited.  We all went to bed around 10 (well the kids were earlier, but Nicholas refused to go to sleep!) Santa had to sneak in since Nick wasn't asleep and then after Santa left we had Nick come and sleep with us.  (We wanted to get a bit of sleep)  Well at 2am our darling Christiane decided that she had enough sleep and discovered Santa had arrived.  She came down to let us know.  We told her to open her stocking and let us sleep some more.  At 3am, my oh so wonderful hubby (he really is!) decided he was too excited and so we woke everyone else up and opened presents at 3:30am!!!  I went back to bed at 6 and slept till 8 when I had to get up to get the Turkey in the oven.  lol   That was the greatest 2 hours of sleep I've ever had!  A wonderful day of visiting, playing with new toys/games and eating.  I took a page from my mother-in-laws book and have our dinner around 2 or 3 so that I can have clean up done, everyone has had more than junk to eat and we can enjoy a nice dessert later in the evening.  My in-laws came up for dinner too, but had to leave right after as my MIL wasn't feeling well.  It was still a great dinner, the food was delicious, the company just right.  :)

New Years Eve my hubby was tired and somehow had us all in bed at 7:30!!  LOL  The kids went to bed without complaint and even I crawled into bed to read before sleep.  That is when I looked at the clock and saw that it was only 7:30!!! LOL  Oh well, my kids bought me 'Thief' and 'Shades of War' by Sarah-Jane Lehoux for Christmas.  I went to high school with Sarah-Jane and was super excited that she is a published author!!  Honestly if you enjoy a good fantasy/horror novel then you will enjoy her books.  I love her Main Character 'Sevy' she is a self proclaimed 'B!tch' and feels so real.  I finished the 2nd book last night, I hated putting them down and am sad that I have to wait for Masquerade to be published.  Oh well I will re-read Thief and Shades of War just before I read Masquerade.  It will be worth it.

New Years Day we spent with some close friends.  We had a great visit as always.

I assume you are following this blog, out to hear about my 'Oh so exciting life' but to relate to my journey or even journeys.  So I will update you on those too :)

My depression has been mostly controlled.  I had a little of the 'After Christmas let-down' but it was very mild and I was able to get over it quickly.  Back to work is always hard for me.  I find that the plant that I work is full of negativity and unfortunately I tend to be one who absorbs the feelings around me.  I have to try to remain conscience of my mood and work at making it positive.  I think I have been doing alright, but it sure is hard when all you want to do is go home, and so does everyone else :)  

My weight loss journey has been good too.  As you already know from my last post that I lost 9 pounds my first 2 weeks.  Well over Christmas & New Years I gained only 3/4 of a pound!!!  Then last week I gained another 1.5 pounds so I am starting back on Phase 1 for a week.  I guess we will see how it goes.  Today was my first day and I must say that I thought I was going to starve (you are cut back 1000 calories between phase 3 and then phase 1) but it hasn't been too bad.   I am working nights the next 2 days so that will help too :)  So all in all, I am down 6 pounds for the month which is great and healthy too!  I am excited to see how well I do this week.

Well I have a sick little boy to snuggle with.
 Hope your Christmas and New Years were as wonderful as Mine!