10 Years

"If you don't stand for something, you will fall for everything."

My baby girl turned 10 on the 9th.  So she is no longer a baby, but I will always think of her that way.  You know when she was cute, didn't mouth off and would eat veggies????  LOL Ok she is still cute but she does get mouthy and refuses to eat veggies  :D  It is hard to believe that she used to spend most of her time either sleeping on my chest or in her swing!  She loved her swing and some days was the only way to keep her happy.  She was the first Grandchild on both sides and a miracle in so many ways.  She was the first girl to be born into my husband's bio-logical family in 200years and also she defied so many odds and was born a healthy girl after a high risk pregnancy and birth.  It still amazes me everything we went through and yet she survived. 

Today I took my darling girl and 2 of her friends to the theatre to see Beastly.  It is most definitely a pre-teen movie, it is cheesy and obvious, a modern day Beauty and the Beast story.  I must say I didn't hate it, I even enjoyed it for what it was.  Neil Patrick Harris was in it, as was Mary-Kate Olsen and they played great roles and did wonderful job with them too.  I had to laugh a few times.  As for the girls, they were starting the 'I have to go to the bathroom" but a simple '1 at a time' rule ended that quick.  I wasn't spending close to $100 for tickets and snacks for the girls to spend the entire thing in the washroom!

Monday I plan to have a Mommy/Daughter day, shopping for clothes and lunch.   I am quite looking forward to this.  It has been a long time since I have been confident enough to attempt this and also had the money to do it.  It will be a day of celebration for both me and her :)


My weight loss journey is still going, a little slow right now but with the winter blahs, I am happy to report that even though I wasn't active as I should and wasn't watching what I was eating all that closely, that I didn't gain!  I am still at 203 pounds, which is better than gaining!!  I will get back into my groove after March Break.  :)

So I will sign off for now.
Cheers

Busy Busy Busy

That would be the way to describe my life as of late!!  I feel like all I have been doing is working, but if I stop and think I really have gotten a lot accomplished at home too.  I really have been working extra hours, and those do tire me out...literally.  As for the home front, I have completed some projects that have been on my to-do list for quite some time.  The first one was to finally hang my hubby's (and my) diploma's from college.  We have only lived here for 4 years so it was about time I dragged them out of the closet lol.  Don't think I haven't hung anything on the walls these past 4 years, I have, but I never did find a place for our diplomas.  The other project was to clean up my laundry room.  Now this may not sound like a big deal to you, but my laundry room is half of my basement and isn't finished.  Plus I had all sorts of garbage just laying on the floor.  So now everything is bagged up, cleaned up and arranged so that it makes better use of the space.  I even cleaned up most of the spider webs hanging from the pipes and floor joists lol.....it is still a yucky space, but closer to starting the finishing!

I bought a set of picture frames at Wal-Mart today, 10 frames for $10.  The frames are plain black heavy plastic, but look nice and have glass too.  So my next project is to put pictures in those frames and hang them!!  We have always wanted to have a photo collage wall so this will get us started.  (I even have a wall that I want to use ha!)

I didn't truly notice just how blah I have been lately.  I knew all I wanted to do was sleep and I had no motivation, but I wasn't sad so I didn't really think of my depression......no worries I'm not sick again, just the Jan/Feb blahs.  It sure does feel good to see the sun again and to have some motivation to get things done, but on the other side it is scary that I was so blah and didn't really truly notice.  I have had a lot of stress with work so I contributed my feelings to that, but I should have been more aware so just how much I was being affected. 

My weight loss journey is going well.  I haven't lost any in the last while, but I haven't gained either!  A co-worker from work gave me some jeans that no longer fit her (she is losing too) and I tried them on and they fit like a glove!!!  It is so nice to wear clothes that fit!  My other jeans were a 16 or an 18 and I could take them off without undoing them and the jeans that were given to me are 14s!!!!  I don't have to suck in my gut or lay down to get them on either, they fit well and comfortably.  I am hoping that now my energy and motivation seem to be coming back (along with spring) that I will beat this plateau and be in 12s before next fall.   I guess we will see.

My baby girl is turning 10 on the 9th.  I can hardly believe that it has been 10 years.  For her birthday I told her that if she agreed to have either 1 girl for a sleepover or a couple girls over for the afternoon vs a big birthday party that I would take her clothes shopping and lunch just her and I.  She thought that was a great idea!  I am really looking forward to a girl's day.  She isn't a baby any longer....

Well that is all for now, I have a busy weekend ahead with work, but vacation time coming up soon too!!

Enjoy the sun!
I

Little reminders

You can not fail without your consent.  You can not succeed without your participation.

Even though I am considered 'Recovered' by the medical world, I still have a tendency to become negative towards myself.  The key is to catch myself and turn it around.  This last few weeks have been somewhat of a challenge in that sense.  The 'after Christmas let down ' is always a tough one, and dealing with the 'high-school' atmosphere at work is another constant challenge.  I am not one of the 'cool kids' and not that I want to be, but it isn't just a case of not being cool, it is that I am ignored/isolated and even belittled.  Although most of it is done behind my back, there is cruelty to my face also, not often, since I keep my distance, but still oh so high-school.

I didn't really notice quite how much this has affected me until this past week.  I have had some little 'reminders' that have added up to a nice kick in the pants for me so to speak lol.  The first came from a woman at work.  I have worked with this woman for a year now, and have a great time with her, but we have never gone past the work stage.  Well she invited me out to a candle party.  I wasn't going to go, but I decided that I would take the chance.  I felt like I was going out on a first date!!  I was nervous and suspicious and just silly really!  I had an amazing time, we laughed so much!  I have been invited to girls night out next week and I am so excited.  The girls there aren't from the cool kids group either and are happy to have me join them :p  It reminded me that I could make friends and have a good time, I was cool to someone.

Another little reminder came from my Aunt's status update on Facebook.  I wear make up so I'm fake. I like to get dressed up so I love myself. I say what I think so I'm a bitch. I cry sometimes so I'm an attention seeker. I talk to men so I'm a slut. I stand up for myself so I'm mouthy. I like my food so I'm fat! Seems like you can't do anything these days without being labeled, so label me because I honestly don't give a crap.. Post this as your status if you are proud of who you are  - This reminded me that no matter what others think, I know who I am and what I am capable of.   Thanks Auntie. 


Then after my last shift at work, which turned out to be another challenging one as things didn't happen quite as they should have and so the 'cool kids' were relishing in the possibility that I could be in trouble.  I knew I wasn't, didn't do anything wrong, but they blew the situation out of proportion and felt I would be.  Yes that hurt......I tried to hold my head up high and laugh it off, but truly the fact that so many of my own teammates wanted to see me fail so badly.....  I stopped and had a conversation with someone on my way out of the plant and was given yet another little reminder......  He reminded me of what I have gone through, what I have achieved and what I have done to help others.  He reminded me that the only reason someone would want to see me fail is pure jealousy and that they few me as a threat and feel the need to be better than me.  Again oh so high school........


My last little reminder was just before typing this post.  I went to visit the ripples pond to see if I could find an appropriate quote for today.......and wow how much more of a reminder could I get!!  When it comes down to it, it is ME who decides my feelings, it is ME who decides what I can achieve and it is ME who chooses how the thoughts of others affects me.  I have re-decided (if that is even a word) that I am going to CHOOSE to live in my bubble and ignore the negativity at work from the so called cool kids and focus on ME, my FAMILY and FRIENDS who accept ME for ME.


Before I go, I also want to give you a quick update on my weight loss journey.  Jan 10th, I had my last weigh in and had gained enough to go back and start Phase 1 of the Curves eating plan again.  I did 1 week of phase one and then started phase 2 last week.  I was also sick last week, low fever,  chills, body aches the whole 9 yards.  I didn't miss work, but I did miss going to the gym the whole week.  Today was my first day back......so I got on the scale prepared to see a huge gain.  I put the scale at my last weight and it hit bottom....hard.  So I backed it up a pound, then another and another.  I lost 5.75pounds!!!!  Yippie!!  My workout was tough, my heart and lungs were screaming at me, but I made it through and am happy to know that missing a week didn't totally destroy my progress.   It goes to show that what I am doing is working and the results prove it.  So now I am 203.25 pounds.  I am celebrating once under the 200 mark and then my next goal will be 175.  At least that is what I am thinking, I may change it to smaller increments, not sure yet.


So I am going to continue to fight every day to be happy, positive and to be confident in myself as well as celebrate my achievements.  Your life is about you......so why let others make it about them?????


Celebrate YOU.

Happy New Year!!

Have no fear of perfection - you'll never reach it ~ Salvador Dali

Happy New Year!
Christmas was absolutely wonderful!!!  Both kids were spoiled this year and we didn't have to take out a second mortgage to do it!  After all they have been through with my journey it is only fair they get rewarded for going through everything they did and still are such amazing kids.

Christmas was spent at home.  My parents and my brother came up Christmas Eve.  We ate pizza and watched movies and visited.  We all went to bed around 10 (well the kids were earlier, but Nicholas refused to go to sleep!) Santa had to sneak in since Nick wasn't asleep and then after Santa left we had Nick come and sleep with us.  (We wanted to get a bit of sleep)  Well at 2am our darling Christiane decided that she had enough sleep and discovered Santa had arrived.  She came down to let us know.  We told her to open her stocking and let us sleep some more.  At 3am, my oh so wonderful hubby (he really is!) decided he was too excited and so we woke everyone else up and opened presents at 3:30am!!!  I went back to bed at 6 and slept till 8 when I had to get up to get the Turkey in the oven.  lol   That was the greatest 2 hours of sleep I've ever had!  A wonderful day of visiting, playing with new toys/games and eating.  I took a page from my mother-in-laws book and have our dinner around 2 or 3 so that I can have clean up done, everyone has had more than junk to eat and we can enjoy a nice dessert later in the evening.  My in-laws came up for dinner too, but had to leave right after as my MIL wasn't feeling well.  It was still a great dinner, the food was delicious, the company just right.  :)

New Years Eve my hubby was tired and somehow had us all in bed at 7:30!!  LOL  The kids went to bed without complaint and even I crawled into bed to read before sleep.  That is when I looked at the clock and saw that it was only 7:30!!! LOL  Oh well, my kids bought me 'Thief' and 'Shades of War' by Sarah-Jane Lehoux for Christmas.  I went to high school with Sarah-Jane and was super excited that she is a published author!!  Honestly if you enjoy a good fantasy/horror novel then you will enjoy her books.  I love her Main Character 'Sevy' she is a self proclaimed 'B!tch' and feels so real.  I finished the 2nd book last night, I hated putting them down and am sad that I have to wait for Masquerade to be published.  Oh well I will re-read Thief and Shades of War just before I read Masquerade.  It will be worth it.

New Years Day we spent with some close friends.  We had a great visit as always.

I assume you are following this blog, out to hear about my 'Oh so exciting life' but to relate to my journey or even journeys.  So I will update you on those too :)

My depression has been mostly controlled.  I had a little of the 'After Christmas let-down' but it was very mild and I was able to get over it quickly.  Back to work is always hard for me.  I find that the plant that I work is full of negativity and unfortunately I tend to be one who absorbs the feelings around me.  I have to try to remain conscience of my mood and work at making it positive.  I think I have been doing alright, but it sure is hard when all you want to do is go home, and so does everyone else :)  

My weight loss journey has been good too.  As you already know from my last post that I lost 9 pounds my first 2 weeks.  Well over Christmas & New Years I gained only 3/4 of a pound!!!  Then last week I gained another 1.5 pounds so I am starting back on Phase 1 for a week.  I guess we will see how it goes.  Today was my first day and I must say that I thought I was going to starve (you are cut back 1000 calories between phase 3 and then phase 1) but it hasn't been too bad.   I am working nights the next 2 days so that will help too :)  So all in all, I am down 6 pounds for the month which is great and healthy too!  I am excited to see how well I do this week.

Well I have a sick little boy to snuggle with.
 Hope your Christmas and New Years were as wonderful as Mine!

Update: My weight loss journey

The best way to cheer yourself up, is to try to cheer somebody else - Mark Twain

The countdown is on.......only 5 days to go!!   I think I am more excited for Christmas than my kids are.  lol 

I'm sorry that I haven't updated you in so long, but I have been busy.  Between work, life, kids and preparing for Christmas, I am just about worn out!!  It is all good though. 

2 weeks ago I started the Curves Weight Management Plan.  I was very hesitant to do it, not because I didn't think it would work but more because I thought that I would tire of the whole 'diet' idea very quickly.  I am not a big 'plan ahead what you are going to eat' person, I like to go with the flow so to speak :p.  The first week also called Phase 1 I did plan ahead and pre-portioned all my food and printed my menus for each day.   I knew that wasn't going to work for the rest of the time.  I started Phase 2 and have been 'flying by the seat of my pants' so to speak and only planning a full day when I am going to be working.  The rest of the time I followed the plan as closely as I could without the pre planning.  And so far it is working :)

Phase 1 was 7 days and I lost 7.5 pounds.
Now a week into Phase 2 I have lost another 1.25 pounds!!!  It sure feels good to see the scale tipping in my favour.  :D:D:D

Now don't for one minute think that I have given up all the foods I love etc.  So this is what has changed.  I now go to the gym 3 days a week regardless if I am working or not.  This does mean that I have to get up and be at the gym for 6am at least once a week, but the other days I go later in the day.  The other big change is I am trying to drink more water/tea, and average 9 glasses a day.  I ate pizza during my first week, which is most definitely NOT on the menu, but I looked online to see how many calories were in a slice and tried to stay as close as I could to the remaining calories, protien and fat that I was allowed.  I got to eat 3 medium slices.....normally I would eat until I felt over full ( I LOVE Pizza! ) but the 3 slices satisfied me just fine.  I also had a can of pop, another big no no, but I knew that if I denied myself all my favorites then I wouldn't stick to it anyways.  So all that and I still lost 7.5lbs that week.  Not bad eh?

So week 2.....I had a Christmas dinner at work, I allowed myself decent portions, ate until I was satisfied and had a small piece of Chocolate for desert.  Yesterday was a family Christmas dinner, and I allowed myself quite a few treats, but spread out over the day and again a good meal without over stuffing myself and today the scale tells me another 1.5pounds......I am very happy with myself.

I am not going to worry about what I am eating Christmas day at all, I am just going to drink my water, eat until I am satisfied and enjoy dessert too.  Even if I gain a few pounds I know that I can refocus on the plan and get it off again.

In other news...my Doctors that have helped me along my Journey, have nominated me for an Inspiration Award!  The award is given to 2 people who have not only had their own journey, but who have worked to help educate people on Depression/Anxiety and break the stigma surrounding it.  I had no idea such an award existed, and even less so consider myself one for the running.  The award will be presented in March.  Who knows if I will be chosen, but as they say it is an Honour to be Nominated!!

In all aspects, Life is good.  I am unbelievably excited for Christmas this year.  I can hardly wait!  I know I am going to have to take a sleeping pill that night to make sure I get some sleep!!

I hope that you have a wonderful Christmas!!

Cheers!

Time flies!

“The only reason for time is so that everything doesn't happen at once.” ~ Albert Einstein
Wow times sure does fly!!  I can't believe it has been so long since the last time I posted.
Life has been generally great for me.  My kids had a great Halloween, and my hubby and I got to enjoy it this year too!   Since my time off, our financial situation has been very difficult to say the least.  Things are getting easier as time passes and we have finally gotten to a point where we could consolidate and reduce our monthly payments.  We now have some breathing room and even some cash between pay days.  It sure does feel nice, and makes the holidays so much easier to enjoy.  Halloween was the first, and to celebrate we bought great costumes for the kids this year.  My son was Frankenstein's Monster, and my daughter was a witch.

Now here we are almost the end of November and Christmas is just around the corner.  Christmas has always been my favorite holiday.  It was the only holiday we truly celebrated when I was growing up.  While every Christmas with my kids has been special, it is so wonderful that this year we can buy exactly what we want for the kids without having to break the bank.

Earlier this week I went to spend a few days with my best friend.  We had a great visit except that she became sick the 2nd day I was there.  :(  I had a good time none the less playing with the kids and just visiting. 

Well I am off to relax for awhile, been busy super cleaning the house today.  lol  Don't worry it really truly did need it!

Cheers!

Just Get Over It ~ Update

A Journey of 1000 miles begins with a single step = Lao-Tzu

Here are the links to the article(s) again. 
Part 1: http://www.recorder.ca/ArticleDisplay.aspx?e=2793226
Part 2: http://www.recorder.ca/ArticleDisplay.aspx?e=2794895
I learned the other day that a condensed version of the article was on the front page of the Recorder and Times Extra - The free once a week paper they publish.
The Free Recorder and Times Extra: http://www.recorder.ca/ArticleDisplay.aspx?archive=true&e=1716970

I am still overwhelmed by the response that I am still receiving regarding my speech!  I came home from work on Sunday night to the phone ringing.  When I answered I was shocked that it was someone who had read the article in the paper and was so touched by it that he had to call.  He was an older gentleman and his wife has battled with schizophrenia for more than 40 years.  He was happy to see a 'happy story'.  Then again today while I was at the gym I was thanked by a woman for speaking out and that the story was very well written.  I am still stopped at work a few times a day but someone congratulating me on speaking out.

I must admit it is quite exciting :)  I also am shocked at how many people not only read the article but also have been affected by it.  Especially those who don't know me and take the time to write, call or find me on facebook, as well as those who have stopped me in person while shopping etc.  It is touching and is also saddening and comforting all at the same time.  I am touched that people are receiving it so well, I am saddened that so many people 'get it' and am also comforted that I am not alone, and am getting so much positive feedback from this experience.  I was fearful of how people would react towards me afterward.  So far only the positive has reached me, and for that I am thankful.

In other news... lol, life at work is as dramatic as ever but home is wonderful.  My kids are doing well, growing like weeds!!!  With Halloween just around the corner they are getting excited about Trick or Treating :)  Myself I can't help but get excited about Christmas!!  I love Christmas and I think this year is going to be extra special.


I hope your life is going well.  If it isn't and you are getting to the end of your rope......just tie a knot and hang on!!!  Life is worth living :)