Friday, April 23, 2010
A prayer for today
Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are. Let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart. Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow. Let me hold you while I may, for it may not always be so. One day I shall dig my nails into the earth, or bury my face in the pillow, or stretch myself taut, or raise my hands to the sky and want, more than all the world, your return.
Last night I had gone out after work for a couple beer with a few co-workers. It sure was a good time, but I stayed up way too late for someone who had to get up to get the kids to school!! lol oh well you only live once.
Today was a normal day. After dragging myself out of bed, getting the kids ready for school and convincing myself NOT to crawl back into bed I got dressed and got on with my day. Hubby and I did a maintenance grocery shopping and stopped by Goodwill to pick up some 'new-to-me' clothes as my work shirts are worn out and my jeans are getting baggy. :) The rest of my afternoon was spent getting my area rug outside to be cleaned and then I proceeded to clean my living room. Tomorrow I tackle the kitchen and bathroom and go to the gym.
Yes, a pretty normal day, a happy day. My life may not be super exciting but I get enough drama and excitement at work! It is so nice to have a few days of normalcy to break up all that drama :p
So be thankful for the quiet days, the normal days, the exciting days and the sad days. They are all days and all part of who we are and who we want to be.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Another Journey
Life is truly about journeys. If you have been reading this blog, you know about my toughest journey....but today I am writing about yet another part of that journey which is an entire journey of its own.....weight loss.
Before my nervous breakdown I had quite the nice shaped body. I was a total of 140lbs (even after having 2 kids!), but unfortunately between the agoraphobia and the multiple medications (of the 9 I was on at one point, 4 had a side effect of weight gain) I rapidly became at my highest 270lbs. This only added to my depression and lack of self esteem as well as creating other health issues.
Just as with my depression/anxiety, I had to stop blaming and feeling sorry for myself and do something about it. While I wanted the weight off and off now, I also didn't want to set myself up for a failure. My first goal was to just get back to work and get to full time. I had to focus on my mental health, while ensuring that I wasn't going to make work harder on my body or mind by starving it or over working it. During the first 4 months back to work I lost 20lbs without changing my eating habits.
Ok so I am back to work and up to full time hours. Now is the time to make some more changes. My next task was to visit a nutritionist. While I was eating fairly healthy, I was eating more than my body needed. So the next step was to scale back my portions, and make some small changes. Over the next 6 months I lost yet another 30lbs. While not as fast as I would have liked, it was coming off in a healthy way.
Then came the plateau.......and this plateau lasted a few months. I visited my nutritionist yet again and she suggested a few more changes, but I really was eating quite well, so she said the word that I knew was coming but was dreading.....EXERCISE!!!!
While I had gone to the YMCA while I was off work and preparing myself to go back to work, I had stopped with returning to work. My personal trainer had me doing a half hour of cardio and a half hour of weight training 3 times a week. I work 12 hour rotating shifts, so trying to get to the gym 3 times a week is practically impossible. Plus on my days off I am so tired and also busy with household duties and errands that finding the time to spend an hour at the gym plus the travel time made it agonizing to go. So I thought I would do the next best thing......exercise videos at home. Yep, total failure. It was too easy to say I would do it later, didn't feel like it or whatever excuse I could dream up. Walking was great in the summer and fall but once winter came....forget it....I hibernate.
After awhile I had a really bad few days of feeling depressed. I hated the way I looked, the way I felt, how I ached all the time and was winded just taking the 2 flights of stairs at work to get to my work area and also again each time I went to the cafeteria for break. I felt horrible, money was tight, life in general seemed to suck the big one! I decided that I was going to do something yet again instead of sitting around crying and risking a relapse. What did I do? I surfed the internet! I was looking for a 'diet and exercise' plan either online or a download program that would allow me to schedule my exercise and plan my meals out in advance. During the few days of surfing I found all sorts of free advice, programs and online forums, but none seemed right.
Then I came across the "Curves" website**. They now offered a weight management class and best of all it was free to attend. More than prepared that they would try to get me to buy all sorts of stuff I enrolled and went but left my purse at home. I was extremely surprised. The only thing they said I would have to buy is the weight management book that gives the info on the eating plan and more than enough recipes to feed yourself for the 30days the plan runs for.
Ok, I haven't started the eating plan. I joined their gym instead. BEFORE you call me crazy, hear me out. I wasn't pressured to join the gym, in fact they said I didn't have to. The gym didn't look like a normal gym so I asked about it. Their workout is designed to give you not only your cardio workout, but also your weight training in 30 minutes. Yep 30 minutes. So I figured I would give that a try......I could fit in 30 mins a couple times a week for sure and the cost was right.
I was given a 3 week free trail before signing up. I was also weighed and measured for the weight management plan which they also do for gym members. My first month I gained 2 pounds but lost half an inch in most places. My second month I lost 5 pounds and lost 2 inches from my waist, abs and hips AND lost 1% body fat!! I am very very excited. I have made some small changes again to the way I eat, but am not following the eating plan yet. I decided to focus solely on getting familiar with the workout and getting myself 'addicted' to going before I tackled changing my eating. Again I did not want to take on too much and get frustrated.
So here I am....5 pounds lighter and 2 inches less round LOL. I am going to make a few more changes to my eating to get that little bit closer to the eating plan before I jump in. They warned that jumping right in could cause headaches and fatigue for the first week, so I thought if I made more changes before jumping it it wouldn't be as difficult to keep on going. For 2 months now I have gone to the gym at least 2 times a week. I plan to try and squeeze in another workout before work once a week, but that is going to be tough to do, so for now I am happy with 2 and editing eating habits. The greatest thing about this achievement is that I haven't had to give up my true love...pizza! LOL I still order out pizza once or so a month, that is my treat after working my 3 night shifts in a row, and I had chocolate over the month because of Easter, but still lost 5 pounds. While chocolate and pizza are not part of the eating plan and I might have lost more without them, it is nice to know that I won't have to worry about gaining every time I do treat myself so long as I am reasonable.
Well that is all for me tonight. I am working tomorrow so it is early to bed to read and relax before sleep.
Cheers!
**I am in NO WAY being paid to endorse Curves. I haven't even told them I am writing about them on my blog, or that I even have a blog. I am only a woman who has found it is working for me.
Before my nervous breakdown I had quite the nice shaped body. I was a total of 140lbs (even after having 2 kids!), but unfortunately between the agoraphobia and the multiple medications (of the 9 I was on at one point, 4 had a side effect of weight gain) I rapidly became at my highest 270lbs. This only added to my depression and lack of self esteem as well as creating other health issues.
Just as with my depression/anxiety, I had to stop blaming and feeling sorry for myself and do something about it. While I wanted the weight off and off now, I also didn't want to set myself up for a failure. My first goal was to just get back to work and get to full time. I had to focus on my mental health, while ensuring that I wasn't going to make work harder on my body or mind by starving it or over working it. During the first 4 months back to work I lost 20lbs without changing my eating habits.
Ok so I am back to work and up to full time hours. Now is the time to make some more changes. My next task was to visit a nutritionist. While I was eating fairly healthy, I was eating more than my body needed. So the next step was to scale back my portions, and make some small changes. Over the next 6 months I lost yet another 30lbs. While not as fast as I would have liked, it was coming off in a healthy way.
Then came the plateau.......and this plateau lasted a few months. I visited my nutritionist yet again and she suggested a few more changes, but I really was eating quite well, so she said the word that I knew was coming but was dreading.....EXERCISE!!!!
While I had gone to the YMCA while I was off work and preparing myself to go back to work, I had stopped with returning to work. My personal trainer had me doing a half hour of cardio and a half hour of weight training 3 times a week. I work 12 hour rotating shifts, so trying to get to the gym 3 times a week is practically impossible. Plus on my days off I am so tired and also busy with household duties and errands that finding the time to spend an hour at the gym plus the travel time made it agonizing to go. So I thought I would do the next best thing......exercise videos at home. Yep, total failure. It was too easy to say I would do it later, didn't feel like it or whatever excuse I could dream up. Walking was great in the summer and fall but once winter came....forget it....I hibernate.
After awhile I had a really bad few days of feeling depressed. I hated the way I looked, the way I felt, how I ached all the time and was winded just taking the 2 flights of stairs at work to get to my work area and also again each time I went to the cafeteria for break. I felt horrible, money was tight, life in general seemed to suck the big one! I decided that I was going to do something yet again instead of sitting around crying and risking a relapse. What did I do? I surfed the internet! I was looking for a 'diet and exercise' plan either online or a download program that would allow me to schedule my exercise and plan my meals out in advance. During the few days of surfing I found all sorts of free advice, programs and online forums, but none seemed right.
Then I came across the "Curves" website**. They now offered a weight management class and best of all it was free to attend. More than prepared that they would try to get me to buy all sorts of stuff I enrolled and went but left my purse at home. I was extremely surprised. The only thing they said I would have to buy is the weight management book that gives the info on the eating plan and more than enough recipes to feed yourself for the 30days the plan runs for.
Ok, I haven't started the eating plan. I joined their gym instead. BEFORE you call me crazy, hear me out. I wasn't pressured to join the gym, in fact they said I didn't have to. The gym didn't look like a normal gym so I asked about it. Their workout is designed to give you not only your cardio workout, but also your weight training in 30 minutes. Yep 30 minutes. So I figured I would give that a try......I could fit in 30 mins a couple times a week for sure and the cost was right.
I was given a 3 week free trail before signing up. I was also weighed and measured for the weight management plan which they also do for gym members. My first month I gained 2 pounds but lost half an inch in most places. My second month I lost 5 pounds and lost 2 inches from my waist, abs and hips AND lost 1% body fat!! I am very very excited. I have made some small changes again to the way I eat, but am not following the eating plan yet. I decided to focus solely on getting familiar with the workout and getting myself 'addicted' to going before I tackled changing my eating. Again I did not want to take on too much and get frustrated.
So here I am....5 pounds lighter and 2 inches less round LOL. I am going to make a few more changes to my eating to get that little bit closer to the eating plan before I jump in. They warned that jumping right in could cause headaches and fatigue for the first week, so I thought if I made more changes before jumping it it wouldn't be as difficult to keep on going. For 2 months now I have gone to the gym at least 2 times a week. I plan to try and squeeze in another workout before work once a week, but that is going to be tough to do, so for now I am happy with 2 and editing eating habits. The greatest thing about this achievement is that I haven't had to give up my true love...pizza! LOL I still order out pizza once or so a month, that is my treat after working my 3 night shifts in a row, and I had chocolate over the month because of Easter, but still lost 5 pounds. While chocolate and pizza are not part of the eating plan and I might have lost more without them, it is nice to know that I won't have to worry about gaining every time I do treat myself so long as I am reasonable.
Well that is all for me tonight. I am working tomorrow so it is early to bed to read and relax before sleep.
Cheers!
**I am in NO WAY being paid to endorse Curves. I haven't even told them I am writing about them on my blog, or that I even have a blog. I am only a woman who has found it is working for me.
Monday, April 5, 2010
Confrontation
A big part of my recovery since returning to work has been to start standing up for myself and not letting others railroad me. That was certainly put to the test this weekend. Let me tell you I HATE confrontation. I typically let others do and say what they will and let it bring me down. Not anymore. There is a woman at work who has been giving me a hard time since I joined the team 8 months ago. She is the type that likes to take credit for everyone else's work, and will shove you down to make herself look better every chance she gets.
I took her abuse for the first few months until she made me cry and almost quit. That is how much I hate confronting. Thankfully my immediate supervisor who is also a great friend and co-worker talked to me that day and convinced me not to let her win. Since that day I haven't confronted per say but I haven't jumped when she said jump etc.
Now 6 months later she pulled something that infuriated me so much that I was severely shaking with anger. At the end of our last night shift (which would have been last Wednesday morning) there was an issue on her line with the casepacker she runs. I had just done some training on the casepacker on my line and my coach called me over to show me what was happening with that one and allow me to see what causes it. While the equipment was down, I put my locks on and took a look, without touching anything, and then got out and took my locks off so this 'woman' could get in and fix her mess. What I didn't find out about until Saturday morning is that she proceeded to tell the line leader and anyone else that would listen was that she had the equipment working wonderfully but then I went in and made some changes and then it didn't work anymore!
After I discovered this from a few extremely trusting sources I was furious! It isn't like she was making fun of my clothes, she was telling some very important people that I was a screw-up. I have worked very hard to prove myself and learn as much as I can to move up at work and here she was blaming her mess on me. I decided I was going to confront her on it, but I was going to wait until I calmed down since I didn't want to get myself fired. Before I confronted her she came over while I was loading material on my casepacker and told me she was having an issue with her casepacker gluing. I simply said OK. She then said "I was thinking the nozzles are plugged" to which I said OK. She continued to prompt me for answers without asking for help so I only said OK and then at the end of her futile prompting....That's nice. and walked away. I couldn't believe that she would have the gall to 'ask for help, without asking' when she had just finished telling everyone that I had created that mess just the shift before and she had to fix it. Funny how she was able to fix that problem last time but not this time.....lol I realize that was probably a petty and childish thing to do, but I was still furious with her.
Later almost the end of the shift, I sucked it up and went over and confronted her. She denied everything of course, while I wasn't surprised, I was disappointed. I own up to my mistakes.....why couldn't she??? Anyhow since she continued insisting that she would NEVER EVER do that to anyone blah blah blah. I told her that I believe everyone deserves a chance to give their side and defend themselves. I would let it go this time, BUT if this situation came up again I would get our Boss involved. I am not about to let someone tank my career.
I must admit that afterward I felt good. I felt as though the world had been lifted from my shoulders and I became happy and was able to have a great time the rest of my shift. I am hoping she has realized that I am not going to let her get away with treating me badly anymore. I doubt it, but it is always worth hoping :) At least I know that I can stand-up for myself. I can do it professionally and diplomatically.
Well I think that is all for today.....the story doesn't end there of course, but I will tell the rest another day.
To Be Continued...
I took her abuse for the first few months until she made me cry and almost quit. That is how much I hate confronting. Thankfully my immediate supervisor who is also a great friend and co-worker talked to me that day and convinced me not to let her win. Since that day I haven't confronted per say but I haven't jumped when she said jump etc.
Now 6 months later she pulled something that infuriated me so much that I was severely shaking with anger. At the end of our last night shift (which would have been last Wednesday morning) there was an issue on her line with the casepacker she runs. I had just done some training on the casepacker on my line and my coach called me over to show me what was happening with that one and allow me to see what causes it. While the equipment was down, I put my locks on and took a look, without touching anything, and then got out and took my locks off so this 'woman' could get in and fix her mess. What I didn't find out about until Saturday morning is that she proceeded to tell the line leader and anyone else that would listen was that she had the equipment working wonderfully but then I went in and made some changes and then it didn't work anymore!
After I discovered this from a few extremely trusting sources I was furious! It isn't like she was making fun of my clothes, she was telling some very important people that I was a screw-up. I have worked very hard to prove myself and learn as much as I can to move up at work and here she was blaming her mess on me. I decided I was going to confront her on it, but I was going to wait until I calmed down since I didn't want to get myself fired. Before I confronted her she came over while I was loading material on my casepacker and told me she was having an issue with her casepacker gluing. I simply said OK. She then said "I was thinking the nozzles are plugged" to which I said OK. She continued to prompt me for answers without asking for help so I only said OK and then at the end of her futile prompting....That's nice. and walked away. I couldn't believe that she would have the gall to 'ask for help, without asking' when she had just finished telling everyone that I had created that mess just the shift before and she had to fix it. Funny how she was able to fix that problem last time but not this time.....lol I realize that was probably a petty and childish thing to do, but I was still furious with her.
Later almost the end of the shift, I sucked it up and went over and confronted her. She denied everything of course, while I wasn't surprised, I was disappointed. I own up to my mistakes.....why couldn't she??? Anyhow since she continued insisting that she would NEVER EVER do that to anyone blah blah blah. I told her that I believe everyone deserves a chance to give their side and defend themselves. I would let it go this time, BUT if this situation came up again I would get our Boss involved. I am not about to let someone tank my career.
I must admit that afterward I felt good. I felt as though the world had been lifted from my shoulders and I became happy and was able to have a great time the rest of my shift. I am hoping she has realized that I am not going to let her get away with treating me badly anymore. I doubt it, but it is always worth hoping :) At least I know that I can stand-up for myself. I can do it professionally and diplomatically.
Well I think that is all for today.....the story doesn't end there of course, but I will tell the rest another day.
To Be Continued...
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Happy April Fools Day and that's no joke
Today is a beautiful day.
Life is good today.
This morning I went to Curves again. I am really enjoying it. I think I will be able to keep this up. I can go, do my workout and be back home in 45 minutes. The time factor makes it so much easier to go. I used to go to the YMCA, but it would always take so much time and that made it so much harder to go. I left for the gym at 8:05 this morning, did my workout and stretch came home and took a shower and was ready to go out to do my Easter shopping by 9:20.
I have to work this Easter, but I do get the Friday off since it is a Stat holiday. It is always nice to get a day off work and get paid too :) Unfortunately we have to do the Easter Bunny thing before I leave for work on Sunday, but then my hubby and the kids are going to be going to my in-laws for the day.
Work is going along really well. My last 2 shifts were night shifts and we ran exceptionally well. I was able to get some training in and completed yet another step-up card. I have 3 more that I want to complete as soon as I can. The "guy" is the same, not doing anything on his own. All we can do is keep giving the feedback so that when his work assessment comes up he won't be surprised when we tell him he isn't doing well. I am now part of another cost savings project at work which should be interesting....at least I hope. My boss recommended me saying that I would do a great job with enthusiasm and rigor. I have also been asked to re-train a woman coming back from maternity leave. It is always a good sign when you are asked to train someone and take part in department cost savings.
Life is good today.
This morning I went to Curves again. I am really enjoying it. I think I will be able to keep this up. I can go, do my workout and be back home in 45 minutes. The time factor makes it so much easier to go. I used to go to the YMCA, but it would always take so much time and that made it so much harder to go. I left for the gym at 8:05 this morning, did my workout and stretch came home and took a shower and was ready to go out to do my Easter shopping by 9:20.
I have to work this Easter, but I do get the Friday off since it is a Stat holiday. It is always nice to get a day off work and get paid too :) Unfortunately we have to do the Easter Bunny thing before I leave for work on Sunday, but then my hubby and the kids are going to be going to my in-laws for the day.
Work is going along really well. My last 2 shifts were night shifts and we ran exceptionally well. I was able to get some training in and completed yet another step-up card. I have 3 more that I want to complete as soon as I can. The "guy" is the same, not doing anything on his own. All we can do is keep giving the feedback so that when his work assessment comes up he won't be surprised when we tell him he isn't doing well. I am now part of another cost savings project at work which should be interesting....at least I hope. My boss recommended me saying that I would do a great job with enthusiasm and rigor. I have also been asked to re-train a woman coming back from maternity leave. It is always a good sign when you are asked to train someone and take part in department cost savings.
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